If I come without a thing, then I come with all I need

On Sunday Matt Chandler said that if you want a beating of biblical proportion you should read 1 John, and he wasn't kidding! It's pretty much this is how it is and if you aren't like this, then you are sinning and are of the devil! WHOA!!! crazy! (yes that was a joey from Blossom whoa!) It's crazy that so many people call themselves christians, but don't follow a word in 1 John, like seriously almost live completely opposite. 1 John 1:15 Do not love the world, or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. I mean that right there, is CRAZY! So I know that everyone has struggled with that, I mean how can you not? From the time you are born, there are people telling you to grow up, finish school, go to college, get a good job and a house, have a family and make money and have nice cars, and a nice house and so on. That's what is instilled in all of us as we grow up, and if someone does something differently its like they are shunned. But really in order to follow God and be a christian, we need to do almost the exact opposite of this. 1 John 1: 6 Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did. So did Jesus have this crazy expensive education? Did he get a high paying job? Did he get married and have a family? Did he have a nice house and car? No! Jesus spent his life walking with the sick and poor and helping them. He was beaten and then hung on the cross to die, all before he was 35. I mean you think about a life like that, and how he was listening to the preachers at the temple when he was 12 and everyone was so amazed at how well he understood everything. I know that when I was 12 I wasn't learning and understanding the Bible, I was playing basketball and hanging out with my friends.
I think this call to walk as Jesus did, is something that I have been searching for, and really running after this last year. We really are trying to downsize our lives, and live simply and help people out. The only way to be able to help other people, is to get rid of the distractions in your life. I am beginning to feel as though I am spiritually being held back in my current life situation. I know that sounds weird, but I am really not helping anyone the way I feel I should. I work retail, and while I love my job, and enjoy working with people, I am not helping them the way I feel I should be. I think I was put on this earth to listen and help people out to my fullest, and I do that sometimes at work, but it's hard to do that in that kind of setting. I feel that I would be much more fulfilled if I was teaching and helping people learn. I think by giving yourself to people and performing selfless acts, the walking like Jesus is more attainable. I really want to learn and be more of an expert when it comes to the bible, so that I can really understand and help people see the LOVE that Jesus has for us and how it can turn your life around. God is the light; and in him there is no darkness. I want to show that light! I want people to know that I am in God and will give up everything I have to follow him and to show the world who he is. Not just by shoving the word down their throats, but by lending a helping hand, giving them food, teaching them how to read so that they are able to read the bible. Showing them how it has changed my life and helping them change theirs. I have a deep desire to do these things, and sometimes I feel held back by my own insecurities and my lack of confidence. There have been a lot of opportunities for me to step out of my box and help out, but I am always reluctant to do so, because I am scared of what someone may think or worried I may make someone upset. But then I think about it, and Jesus didn't worry about that. He was who he was, and he didn't make excuses and he showed his love everyday.
So often when I write I am reminded of mewithoutYou lyrics, which are so amazing if you actually listen to the message. In the song In a Sweater Poorly Nit there is a line that says "If I come without a thing, then I come with all I need." I want to do that, drop everything to follow and be fulfilled by the light and love of God. So with all that being said, 1 John makes you think!

The book of Haggai

I am up super early for a sunday, but that is because I am going to breakfast with some of my friends before the 9 o'clock service at the village. The only thing that would make this morning better is if my husband didn't have to work and could go with. So I am up extra early, seeing as how I don't have to leave for another 35 minutes, so I decided to do a little quiet time before I went. I actually just opened my bible to a random place and it landed on the book of Haggai.
The whole book is about the prophet Haggai and his people who focused so much on their own houses and wealth that they totally ignored God's house. Since they did this, God was stern with them, and all that they produced was cut in half, they ate but were not full, they drank but were not satisfied, they clothed themselves but were not warm and they made money to put into purses with holes in them. I think thats such a great way of putting things, because God did not let them get fulfilled, because he was not being fulfilled by them. It just goes to show that if God is put first in our lives, then we will always be fulfilled. There may be hard times and there may be extremely low times, but God will always be there, and all we have to do is turn to him, and he will help us. This is something that I have really been trying to do lately, because I feel the pull from God to do so. I want to be a better person and live a more Christ filled life, and I think the only way to do that would be to focus on God and have a daily in depth relationship with him. I don't want to be one of those people that other people dread talking to, because they are too churchy I want to be someone who can speak to people about God and not turn them off of him. I want to be real with them, and help them live a good life. I think a lot of the times churches come off as pushy and even impersonal, and I think they lose a lot of people because of that. There are always those little clicks that happen in churches, and whenever you are a teenager, and aren't in those clicks, it can be really hard on you. It makes you turn away from the church for reasons that should never be. I don't want to be like that towards people, I just want to help them out with what I can and show them Christ's love through my actions.
If you think about it, that's what Jesus did. You didn't see him avoiding the unclean or making sure he saved people by entertaining them. He was real with people and helped out people and hung around the poor and unclean people. If you shield yourself from all of the wrong in the world and shield yourself from the poor or the lost, then there is no point in being a christian. God asked us to live lives just like Jesus did, not sit in our nice house with our nice cars and clothing and be shielded away from the poor. I don't ever want to be someone who sits in their nice house and forgets about everyone suffering in the world. I want to walk with the poor and help them, I want to reach those people in need and give my life for them. You often think of Mother Teresa who worked with leprosy her whole life, she didn't have to do that, but she was called by God to do so. I want to live a life like that, because she truly relied on God, and was never hungry, thirsty or unclothed. He made sure she was fulfilled everyday, because He was fulfilled by her.
So I want to live a life guided by Haggai 1: 3-6: Now this is what the Lord Almighty says:"Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."

Beasts that perish

So as we are beginning to move, we are trying to downsize our lives and keep the basic things that we need. There are a lot of "things" that are in our apartment, that I don't really know why we have or why we have acquired them over the years. I am ready to clean out my life and clear my mind. With all that being said, it has been a back and forth struggle between us over our tv. We are trying to decide if we want to keep it our sell it. Which I know what you are thinking, what on earth would you do without a tv. Haha, and that's exactly what I am thinking. But then when I really start digging down and thinking about it, there are so many things you can do if you aren't wasting your time watching tv.

1. Read
2. Go for a walk
3. Spend time with friends
4. Write
5. Focus on painting or artistic things
6. Cook
7. Exercise
8. Listen to music

So you get the picture, there are a lot of things I can do without a tv and I think once the burden is gone of a tv, I think I would flourish as a person. I also think it would help me spend more time with God and more time focusing on helping people and forming lasting friendships with people. I think it's just the scary part of not having a tv that makes me hesitate.

The biggest thing that we are doing now, is waiting on the next step of our life, and where we will go come this August. I have applied for as many schools as I can, and now I am just waiting on the call. So we are fully relying on God to take us where he wants, and place me in a school. So please be praying for that and praying that I do not get impatient, but rely on him and know that He will provide.

I will leave you with a little verse from Psalm 49:14-16
Like sheep they are destined for the grave, and death will feed on them. The upright rule over them in the morning; their forms decay in the grave, far from their princely mansions. But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself. Do not be overawed when a man grows rich when the splendor of his house increases, for he will take nothing with him when he dies, his splendor will not descend with him.

excited to be alive!

Luke 18:22-25
When Jesus heard his answer, he said "There is still one thing you haven't done. Sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me." But when the man heard this he became very sad, for he was very rich. When Jesus saw this, he said, "How hard it is for the rich to enter the Kingdom of God! In fact it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God!"

Lately I have been really thinking on this parable, and the whole idea of the rich and heaven. It's really hard to imagine Jesus coming up to you and telling you this, I mean what would you do? Would you sell everything that you had and give up your life to follow Him? I know back then it was probably a little easier to do this, because he was a tangible thing that you could walk and talk with. Now its so different because he isn't standing in front of you saying this to you, but does that mean you shouldn't do it?

As we are about to move in about a month, I look around at our small little apartment, and see so much stuff that I haven't used or even touched since we moved in almost 2 and a half years ago! So now I am in the process of De-cluttering my life and really just making it more simple from clothes to pots and pans to furniture. I honestly feel better knowing I am going to have less stuff crowding my life and stuff that I am attached to. Its like a spring cleaning for the soul.

Which brings me to what we did last night. So Brandon has been on this kick of wanting to go to Dallas and set up and feed some people. I have been really reluctant to go and do this, because I didn't know what to expect, and because I didn't really think anyone would come eat with us. So last night at about ten he drags me to Deep Ellum with a van full of hot dogs, cokes, chips, cookies and a table and chairs. I was really dreading it, and I hate to admit that, but I was. So we get there, and we park and we see a girl and a guy looking for some food, and we tell them we have some hot dogs if they want some. Well pretty soon Charlie and Reese are sitting with us at the table enjoying some good food and great conversation. We ended up feeding probably about 8 or 9 people, some who stayed for food and conversation, and others who had to be on their way. It was such a great experience, and really filled my heart with so much love that I can't even describe it. These people were so gracious and so giving, even though they had nothing, that I can't even describe it. We spend 3 or 4 hours just hanging out with people, and honestly it was one of the least awkward conversations I have had in a long time. They were just so happy to be alive and eating that they were filled with joy!

We are planning to do this every week, and I am so excited to make new friends, and to really touch peoples lives with just some food and conversation. If anyone is interested in going, please load up in the van and come with! It is one of the most rewarding things, and I think you really see the Lord at work!

Searching for Gold instead of Wheat

So, this morning has been kind of a weird one. Not weird in a bad way but in a good way, like everything kind of connected. Brandon and I were having a conversation last night about what he wants to do with his life and how we want to live. I have a hard time not having things planned out, so when he says I will figure it out, it makes me super nervous. I want him to know exactly what he is going to do, when he will do it and how he will. But see, he doesn't work that way and never will, which is fine, but I just have to learn how to handle it and trust that he knows what will come next.

I went to the coffee haus this morning on my way to work, and had a little bit of quiet time there before I left. I was reading about conformity in the bible, and how as Christians, we should not conform to this world. How if we are friends with the world, we are enemies of God, because God hates the world. So really, Brandon has everything figured out way more than I do, because he doesn't worry about worldly things such as money and jobs, while I do. I know I shouldn't worry about those things, because God will lead us and take care of us no matter what. I also read James 4:14 which says What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Pretty much don't plan for tomorrow, because you don't know what tomorrow holds. Don't plan on the things you will do in the years to come, but rather what the Lord will lead you to do in the years to come. Its crazy to think of things like this, but it makes so much sense because really what if you are gone tomorrow? All of your planning is useless.

So then the second part of my morning is Brandon calling me with a sort of light bulb moment. He called to tell me that he doesn't want to search for wheat in this life but instead search for gold. Like how I will be a teach, its not because of the wheat, like money, summers off and so forth, but its for the gold, the helping of people. He wants to find something that he does for the gold and not the wheat. Its weird how when he put it like that, it eased my mind, and made me more comfortable. I know that he wants to play music for the right reasons, and not for the wheat. He wants to reach people with his music and his talents, just like I do with mine.

So in this life, I am going to try and not to conform to this world, because it doesn't lead anywhere. I am also going to try to follow the right path and not the path of the wicked. I will also try to humble myself before the Lord, because he will lift me up. I want to seek Gold in this life, not wheat, which fades.

Life.... ever fleeting

One of the most valuable and fleeting things is life. How can you be here one minute and gone the next? Do we take this precious thing for granted? Do we think we are indestructible? Like nothing can or will happen to us? Do we think nothing will happen to our loved ones? Why do we continue to live like we are going to be here for an eternity? What if you don't wake up tomorrow? What if someone decides to end your life tonight? Have we said everything we need to say to our loved ones? Have we taken them for granted? Have we taken life for granted? What would you say to them if you were on the verge of death? What would you want them to know? If you died today would your life be fulfilled? Have you done everything that you have wanted to do? Have you lived your life to the fullest? Have you loved, smiled, sang, danced everyday?? Or have you sat behind your desk everyday counting down the hours and hoping that tomorrow is better?

Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today. James Dean

I have been searching and searching lately for the meaning of my life, and the way that I should go. But, as I am searching, I am wasting my precious life looking for something I may never find, or accomplish. I will not live forever, and with every passing year, I am getting older. I want to do so many things! I have so many dreams and ideas in my head, but yet I am standing still.... WHY??? So does this mean to make a "bucket list?" Does it mean to mark off things one by one? Or do I just need to wake up everyday and do something that is scary and risky? At what point in time are you completely 100% satisfied with your life?

So I know this is all a little heavy for so early on a saturday morning, but it all started last night. A friend of mine went to a local bar last night, and I don't know the specifics, but he was held and robbed at gunpoint. He is my age, and has so much life ahead of him. He is safe, but its just that it is a really scary thing, and I cant imagine how he is feeling. I am so thankful that he is ok, and that he is alive to enjoy the day. It just sucks that sometimes life has a funny way of waking you up. Its like life just happens and sometimes its not the best but at the end of the day everything will be ok.

Its just goes to show, that it is time to wake up and live this life to the fullest! Don't delay and say tomorrow will be better, because what if tomorrow never comes. Then what??

TIME

Why is it that no one has enough time? Is it we don’t have enough time or is it we don’t use our time wisely? I know we wait until work is over and want time to go quickly but why? We are just counting down the hours, minutes and seconds. Are we going to count our lives away? Why do we count down our life? Our life is meant to be great and exciting! We are supposed to savor every moment! You know seize the day! Why don’t we do that? I know everyday I sit at work and wait for the day to be done, only to do what? Waste more time on the Internet, watching TV or just wasting time. Shouldn’t we be doing something that makes life better where we don’t have to count down the hours? Why are we on Earth anyway? What exactly did God put us on the Earth for? I know it’s not to sit around counting down our lives. I also know its not to be miserable working the 9-5 everyday and hating life! We are here to walk in his footsteps, and to spread the Word, and to reach out to our brothers. So why do we focus on worldly things? It says in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” So why do we sit here and focus on working to make more money to buy more THINGS??? Why do we want money, cars, houses and material things? Where is it going to get us? Is it going to make us happy? Is it going to make our job better? Is it going to make us count down the workday any less? So then the question is, will we be happier if we quite our horrible job and sell all of our possessions? Is this the thing that needs to be done to really enjoy this life and enjoy the Earth and enjoy what God has created for us? So should we be poor and follow Jesus and just be missionaries to our brothers? Will that help? I know the bible says to not follow the flesh, or desires of this world. But where does that lead us? Do people who make a lot of money feel better? Do they conform to this world? Do they help out their brothers? Pink Floyd said it best:Money get away, Get a job with more pay, and you’re O.K.

So all of this has come about because work is really getting to me. Something I use to enjoy and love spending time at is no longer fun. Its no longer rewarding and I dread the day, and count down the hours. So then what do I do? Quit and hope to get another job? Or just wait it out?